When Things Don’t Go As Planned
Have you ever woken up with one idea for your day that is so strong that when, five or ten minutes later, the day goes a different direction, you just can’t keep up?
I had such a day recently. When I went to sleep, I had one child suffering from a common cold but every expectation that I would send the others off to homeschool Co-op and do a little preschool and reading with the younger set. A perfect day that would enable me to catch up on some housework and food prep.
But when I woke up the next morning, such a day was not on the table. No one was well enough to leave the house, the temperatures outside were freezing and even the baby showed signs that something was not right in his little tummy.
So, bug deal, right? Just roll with the punches, or, recognize God’s providence and change your plans! Absolutely, that’s the right response, but it was not mine. I wanted to catch up on schoolwork. If we couldn’t do Trailblazers, then we could do math and everything else.
Sadly, in my desire to be productive and make everyone else productive, I spent the majority of the morning arguing and fighting with sick children regarding book work. It was not gentle authority, but “my way or the highway.“ My heart attitude was not to serve and care for the sick, but instead was selfish, seeking to serve my desires no matter who got in the way.
As the day progressed, I did let go of my expectations and gave in to the reality that bookwork was not going to happen, but this did not solve the problem, because my heart turned from one sin to another and I spent hours of the day struggling with pity and self-doubt. No longer did I fight with the children, but I could give them nothing of value because I was too caught up in recriminations and trying to figure out what formula would turn our family into perfect people studying and learning exactly the right things.
Thus, there was some peace, but it was bought at the price of selfishness. I selfishly threw a pity party in my mind while making lunch and cleaning, and every child gave in to selfishness by watching shows, playing the games he wanted, or getting out the toys she desired. They continued to bicker because the temperature of the home was one of selfishness ruling rather than dying to self and serving.
Thankfully , God is gracious. Even when I was wallowing in self-pity the Holy Spirit was whispering truth to my soul. Reminders of the misery of a high fever and headache that makes even fun things difficult. The agony of a congested nose so stuffy that even swallowing is painful. He reminded me of past parental guidance, bringing to mind exhortations of scripture, and even my own words lifting up others in encouragement.
This was the turning point of the day. This was the moment the day went from a miserable failure to a success. This moment when I put to death my selfish desires and began serving the people in my household.
As I surrendered my desires and as my actions changed, so did my attitude. It took a while, but by the time I started dinner, I could cheerfully say that the day was not a total loss. More importantly, the atmosphere in the house had moved from bickering and undercurrents of discontent to peace and calm. The older boys were resting quietly, reading and playing, the middle two were sharing playdo and creating together, and even the baby was bouncing in his seat, happy to watch me cut up chicken for dinner.
Even when the baby suddenly decided that his comfortable bouncy seat was instead a unique tortured device, I could honestly say that the day was a success.
What made it successful? Not the productivity of the day, or even the rest to fight germs, but the sanctification of the family. It was a success for me because I died to self and served my children. It was a success for my children because they began to follow that good example, just as they had followed my bad example, and they ended the day loving each other and practicing self-denial.
